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A friend once said to me that the night is my emblem, and I
still remember it to this day. Yes, I am the night, a terrifying darkness
that cannot be understood or penetrated. But last night, where was I? Where
was my heart? Why do I feel so drunk, so tired? Where did I go? Have I lost
my memory? Why are the things that happened before so confusing and blurry?
Why do I feel such a vast gap between my past and present selves? Why do the
memories of my actions not feel like my own? Why am I so lost now?
I asked God, and he told me that people change. We have the same body, but
different souls. I only half understand. Was the old me really gone? I
remember that I never knew what fear was before. I dared to do anything,
thought anything and acted without hesitation or worry. I was carefree,
relaxed and focused only on my goals. But now, I am so confused. Although
every day is more fulfilling and comfortable than before, my heart feels
empty. Now, I have everything but I've lost that drive and courage I had
before.
Where did I go last night? Did I go drinking? Why are my memories so hazy
and false? Why am I so different from my past self? The beautiful images of
the past and the gentle moments of last night seem like they weren't made by
me. They only exist in my memories, so fake, so phony, so decadent and so
lost. My eyesight blurred and I wondered what all of this was for. Now, I am
so decadent, so lost. How I wish I could have that drive I had last night
again. How I wish I could have that spirit and courage that would make me
fearless again. But now, it seems like I've grown up overnight, becoming
hesitant, considering things over and over again, and not being like my old
self. Perhaps, what happened last night was just a dream, and I was too deep
into it.
I should try to let it go, shouldn't I? Forget about last night and start
anew, being careful and attentive for a better tomorrow. What qualifications
do I have to reminisce about last night when I should only focus on the
beautiful tomorrow ahead? Let's go! |
