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Teenagers don't have the life experience or perspective
to discern trouble the size of an iceberg from an ice
cube. No wonder so many parents enjoyed the Hollywood
version of Titanic – they can identify with it ! The good
news is that humankind can learn to avoid making
mistakes from historical disasters. It is the same with
dealing with teens. There is nothing better than
educating and learning through experience. So here are
my top five parenting lessons from the movie Titanic.
On 10 April 1912, the Titanic left England for New York
on its maiden voyage. It was to be the safest ship ever
built. Yet five days later, it lay in two at the bottom
of the Atlantic Ocean with over 1500 people dead. In the
movie, the disaster was the fault of lookouts who did
not see the iceberg in time. But during the course of my
research, another reason was traced to the
officer-in-charge who actually had enough time to kill
the engine and prevent the disaster. However, he thought
he could save time by steering around the tip of the
iceberg with the engines still running.
Many of the modern dangers our teenagers face are
like icebergs. Teens think they know the risks of
drinking, taking drugs, sex and violence. They believe
they can steer round the risks and survive the
challenges unharmed. However, they often fail to see
dangers behind the negative pastimes ad may land
themselves in real trouble. Part of our job, as a
parent, is to teach them the real risks and slow down
their engines.
In "Active Parenting of Teens", a parent education
video, parents are taught how to be an effective
provider of information. This means parents need to know
what the real risks are and then communicate with them
in a way that will be accepted. This means letting teens
know you're concerned and not because you are judging
them. Teens will not listen to your advice so until they
know how much you care. Instead, let your words and
attitude say: "I love you so much that it would break my
heart if something bad happened to you." By doing so,
you stand a good chance of being a positive influence on
the decisions they make.
Just as it's important for you to teach your teens
the risks of dabbling in negative pastimes, it is also
crucial to discuss rescue plans for worst case
scenarios. For instance, what should your daughter do if
her date has been drinking and wants her to drive out
with him for a burger ? Take time to talk to your teens
about various situations and effective ways of handling
them. Again, avoid sounding too judgmental if she
disagrees with you. she may only see your wisdom in
retrospect rather than during the discussion, which
isn't a bad thing. The main goal is to start your teen
thinking.
Teens need to be aware that what they see and hear in
music, movies and television is not an accurate
reflection of reality. Advertisements are designed to
see things. Beer ads may feature happy and attractive
men and women but we never see them binge drinking,
dying from alcohol poisoning, or becoming alcoholics.
Parents can help their teens see through the hype and
make informed decisions.
The captain of the Titanic chose to steer his course
at a disastrous price. Changing direction and cutting
the engine was certainly a better option. But that's not
to say that change is a sure way of preventing
disasters. The teenage years are a time of experimenting
and the need for adventure is high. We can help our
teens find safe ways to explore new positive ventures
through sports, outdoor activities ad special interests.
You have other truths to teach your teens, truths that
offer ballast on a stormy sea. You may need to change
directions now and then or cut your engines when an
iceberg appears. After all, we don't ant to repeat the
mistakes of the Titanic. |
