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The Art of Conversation
It is natural to feel nervous in a new situation. Walking into a room full of people without knowing a soul can
be a daunting task, but is is important to realize that almost everyone is nervous when facing a room full of
strangers. The approach of the first day at school or a party where you won't know anyone can be made easier
if you know what to do. Developing a bag of tricks can help get you through some of those tough situations.
To begin, set a goal for yourself. For example, you can decide that at the end of this school day, or by the
end of this party, you will have spoken to at least three new people or will have had a conversation with at
least one new person. Remember, these don't have to be make-it-or-break-it conversations. Simple
exchanges of a few remarks will suffice.
Now, how do you get started? Just walking into a room full of strangers is intimidating for most people.
In fact, most people feel off-balance entering a room where everyone is talking a mile a minute or seems to
know someone else. If you take a minute to get your bearings, however, you will inevitably find another lone
soul looking as nervous as you feel. Go up to that person and introduce yourself. You will almost always be
rewarded with a sigh of relief and a smile. Remember, others are in the same boat as you are.
Beginning a conversation is not that hard. Expert conversationalists say it is all right to open with a
cliche. Don't worry about sounding dull. Cliches are good for starting conversations because everyone can
relate to them. What do you mean by a cliche? The weather, movies, sports, or other universal topics are of
interest to everyone. If you are in a classroom, you can talk about the course or the school. If you are at a
party, talk about how you know the host or hostess.
Asking questions is a great way to keep a conversation going, but it is important to ask the right kind of
questions. Asking a 'yes or no question' can stop a conversation dead in its tracks. 'WH-questions' prompt
discussion because the answers will be longer. Good questions begin with 'Why',
'How', 'What do you think
about ...?'
When another person is speaking, most people use that time to think of their next
witty comment or
question. Doing this can cause you to miss what the person is saying. Listening is an important part of
carrying on a conversation. Good conversationalists are invariably good listeners. So, the next time you are
engaged in a conversation, instead of trying to come up with a clever line, focus on listening and responding
in a genuine way to what the person has said.
To show interest, it is important to make eye contact frequently. This does not mean staring into
someone's eyes relentlessly. Doing so will only make the person feel uncomfortable. On the other hand,
letting your eyes drift around the room gives the impression that you are looking for someone more
interesting to talk to. The key is to make eye contact, then take your eyes off the other person briefly when
it's your turn to talk.
When you are engaged in a conversation, ask questions and respond to comments. It is important to
keep up your end of the conversation by talking about yourself and your ideas. After all, you can't expect the
other person to keep the ball in the air alone. Remember that you are an interesting person too. However, be
careful not to go overboard. The number one turn-off for most of us is listening to other people go on and on
about themselves. Nobody likes to listen to someone who constantly uses the word
'I'.
There are other important qualities in the art of conversation. One of the most important is a sense of humor. Everyone appreciates a chance to laugh or chuckle at a funny story or joke. Be careful in your
selection, though. Racial or sexual humor can offend others, and reflects poor judgment on your part.
Cultivating a wide range of interests can be of help in almost any social situation. You can be up-to-date
on current events by reading newspapers and magazines.
Lastly, be enthusiastic and upbeat. When you are enthusiastic, people feel that you are interested in what
they are saying. Do not be afraid to show enthusiasm, and use positive reinforcement whenever possible. |
