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Malcolm Doyle : Wait. What are those?
Jane : Nothing.
Malcolm Doyle : Are those-
Jane : No!
Malcolm Doyle : Are they bridesmaid dresses?
Jane : This is none of your business.
Malcolm Doyle : Oh! Good God. What? You kept them all? You have a whole closetful.
Why?
Jane : I have a lot of friends and I like to keep them.
Malcolm Doyle : Right. Well, that makes complete sense... because they're
beautiful.
Jane : Some are not that bad.
Malcolm Doyle : "Not that bad"? I'd like to see one of them that's not that bad.
Jane : Fine. Um, well-Not that one. This one-This one is really-
Malcolm Doyle : Horrible. Right? Was the word you're looking for. What color is
this? Vomit?
Jane : No, it's like a- It's an "olivey"
green. It's very in.
I'm telling you, it looks great on.
Malcolm Doyle : Uh, no. I'm telling you that this is an instrument of
torture...inflicted on you by a bride who wants you to look ugly.
Jane : No. Jenna picked it because it looks good on everybody.
Malcolm Doyle : Slightly delusional and
will believe anything anyone tells her.
Jane : That is not true and I'm going to show you you are wrong. See? It's not so
bad. This sash is
really very flat-
Malcolm Doyle : Okay. You are totally right about the dress. It is not that bad.
But, come on. The color? Please.
Jane : Well, it's your flash. I think it's blowing it out weird...and if it were
just a normal. Okay, it's not very good.
Malcolm Doyle : You kind of look like a shiny mermaid. You should be flattered.
She didn't want to stand next to a tall, beautiful woman...and have you actually
looking decent.
Jane : It's really not the worst one. If I had to pick one- I got a good one.
This is my favorite.
Malcolm Doyle : Oh, my God. What the hell is that?
Jane : Theme wedding.
Malcolm Doyle : What was the theme, "humiliation"? God! No, people do not have
Gone With The Wind weddings.
Jane : I have been to three.
Man : Let's do it. All right Y'all say, "Diddly-dee:"
Diddly-dee.
Malcolm Doyle : I feel sick. All right. What else you got? Show me some more. You
have to show me Benihana.
Jane : Give it.
Malcolm Doyle : Very pretty. Do you feel pretty?
Jane : Adorable. Every bride loves her accessories. Men wore dresses. Women wore
suits. Kevin?
Malcolm Doyle : Yup: What was the theme here?
Jane : L.A. Wedding.
Malcolm Doyle : 27 dresses. You gotta be kidding me. I don't get it. All
right.You do the thing, you have the dress. Just throw it out. That's a huge
closet. You live in New York. You cannot be eating up space like that.
Jane : Strange as it sounds, I've had some really good times in those dresses.
Weird as that may be.
Malcolm Doyle : I don't believe you.
Jane : I don't care if somebody wants me to wear a funny dress: It's their day,
not mine.
Malcolm Doyle : God bless you.
Jane : And if supporting them when they get married means: Snowshoeing to
a mountaintop in
the Alps or... helping to caulk a
fountain for some swans, then-
Malcolm Doyle : You actually did that?
Jane : Oh, I'm a really, very good caulker.
Malcolm Doyle : Likes caulk. All right. But come on. Seriously. I mean, how much
time do you spend doing this for other people? What about-What about you? You
don't have any needs?
Jane : No, I don't. I'm Jesus. Someday- God knows when, But someday...it'll be my
day. And then all those people will be there for me: So- That is if I ever-
Malcolm Doyle : Sorry.
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