|
Radio : On the local front, our town of Hale,
Maryland, is still buzzing about the
less-than-flattering article about their native
daughter, Maggie Carpenter. Her bridal exploits were
taken to task
by New York columnist Ike Graham in USA Today. Mr.
Graham called her —
Maggie's Voice : Dear Editor: Greetings from the
sticks. Perhaps you believe that a rural education
is focused mainly on hog calling and tractor
maintenance rather than reading. Why else would you
print a piece of fiction about me and call it fact ?
I suppose Mr. Graham was too busy
thinking up
slanderous statements about how I dump men
for kicks to
bother with something silly like accuracy in
reporting. Which is understandable, because with a
man-eater like me on the
loose, who has time to check facts ?
Ike : Hey, Frances, lunch today ?
Frances : No, I'm going to the bank.
Ike : Sure ?
Frances : Sorry, Ike.
Ike : All right. Hey.
Woman : Hey.
Ike : I'm going to put in
a good word for you.
Woman : No, that’s OK. Don't mention my name
in there.
Maggie's Voice : That's why I was surprised to find
Mr. Graham's editor was a woman. Call me a
sentimental fool, but I sort of hoped we man-eaters
could stick together.
Ellie’s voice : "Anyway, I'm just dropping you
big-city folk this little note to say that I have
thought of a ritual sacrifice that would satisfy my
current appetite: ‘Ike Graham's column on a
platter.’ Yours truly, Maggie Carpenter. P.S. I have
enclosed a list of gross factual misrepresentations
in your article." There are fifteen.
Ike : Funny. I like her. She's got spunk.
Ellie : Ike, look. She sent us this list. Our lawyers
say it's actionable. I left you four messages. You
don't return my calls.
Ike : So? I never returned your calls. Even when we
were married I didn't -- What's Fisher doing here ?
Fisher : Ellie asked me to come down to offer
moral support.
Ike : Since when does Ellie need moral support ?
Ellie : It's for you, Ike.
Ike : What ? What ?
Ellie : Journalism lesson number one: If you
fabricate your facts, you get fired.
Ike : Lesson number two: Never work for your former
spouse.
Ellie : That has nothing to do with it. You
cooked this story up,
and you know it !
Ike : I did not cook anything up. I had a source.
Ellie : Someone reliable ? Some boozehound in a bar ?
Fisher : In vino veritas.
Ike : Hey, hey, hey. Don't knock drunk guys in bars.
It means they're not driving. Besides, l am a
columnist. This is what columnists are supposed to
do. It's what you like. We push, we stretch, we go
out on a limb.
That's what makes me good !
Ellie : No, that's what makes you unemployed.
Ike : All right. Let's consider that my wrist has
been slapped alright. There. Slap it. Go ahead,
just-- Slap my wrist. That's done. Just give me a
call when you feel that I've served my time, and
move on.
Ellie : This is permanent, Ike. If you go quietly,
I'll get you severance
pay. |
