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Joe : Kathleen Kelly. Hello.
This is a coincidence.
Would you mind if I sat down?
Kathleen : Yes, yes, I would, actually.
I'm expecting someone.
Thanks.
Joe : Pride and Prejudice.
Kathleen : Do you mind?
Joe : I bet you read that book every year. I bet you just love
that Mr. Darcy. And your sentimental heart just
beats wildly at the thought he and well, you know,
whatever her name is, are truly, honestly going to
end up together.
Waiter : Can I
get you something?
Kathleen : No,
no, he's not staying.
Joe :
Mochaccino decaf, nonfat.
Kathleen : No,
no, you are not staying!
Joe : I'll
just stay until your friend gets here. Is he late?
Kathleen : The
heroine of Pride and Prejudice is Elizabeth
Bennet. She is one of the great and complex
characters. Not that you would know.
Joe : As a
matter of fact, I've read it.
Kathleen : Oh,
well, good for you.
Joe : I think
you’d discover a lot of things if you really knew
me.
Kathleen : If
I really knew you, I know what I'd find. Instead of
a brain, a cash register. Instead of a heart, a
bottom
line.
Joe : What?
Kathleen :I
just had a breakthrough.
Joe : What is
it?
Kathleen : I
have you to thank for it. For the first time in my
life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive
person I knew exactly what I wanted to say, and I
said it.
Joe : I think
you have a gift for it. That's a perfect blend of
poetry and meanness.
Kathleen :
Meanness. Let me tell you something about meanness.
Joe : Don't
misunderstand me. I'm just trying to
pay you a compliment.
Kathleen : Oh,
oh, why are you touching that? What are you doing?
Joe : Is this
a red rose? No, it's a crimson rose. Something you
read about in a book. Isn’t it?
Kathleen :
It's funny to you, isn't it? Everything is a joke to
you. Please leave. Please, please leave, I beg you.
Thank you.
Joe : You what
that hanky reminds me of? First day I met you.
Kathleen :
First day you lied to me.
Joe : I didn't
lie to you.
Kathleen : You
did too.
Joe : No, I
didn't.
Kathleen :
Yes, you did.
Joe : I did
not. I did not.
Kathleen : You
did too. You did too. I thought all that Fox stuff
was so charming. F-O-X.
Joe : Well, I
didn't lie about it.
Kathleen :
“Joe. Just call me Joe."
Joe : Sure.
Kathleen : As
if you were one of the stupid 22-year-old girls with
no last name. "Hi, I'm Kimberly." "Hi, I'm Janice."
Don’t they know you’re supposed to have a last name.
It's like they're an entire generation of cocktail
waitresses.
Joe : Look. I
am not a 22-year-old cocktail waitress.
Kathleen :
That's not what I meant.
Joe : What I
said the thing about the Price Club, the cans of
olive oil that's not what I meant.
Kathleen : Oh,
you poor, sad multimillionaire. I feel so sorry for
you.
Joe : I'll
take a wild guess
that's not him, either. So who is he, I wonder?
Certainly not, I gather, the world's greatest living
expert on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. But somebody
else entirely different. Will you be mean to him
too?
Kathleen : No,
I will not. Because the man who is coming here
tonight is completely unlike you. The man who is
coming here tonight is kind and funny. He's got a
wonderful sense of humor.
Joe : But he's
not here.
Kathleen :
Well, if he's not here, he has a reason because there
is not a cruel or careless bone in
his body. But I wouldn't expect you to understand
anybody like that. You, with your theme park,
multilevel, homogenize-the-world mochaccino land.
You’ve deluded yourself into thinking you're some
sort of benefactor bringing books to the masses. But
no one will ever remember you, Joe Fox. And maybe no
one will remember me, either. But plenty of people
remember my mother. And they think she was fine. And
they think her store was something special. You
are nothing but a suit.
Joe : It's my
cue.
Good night. |
