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Lost in thought, lost in contemplation, the colorful season
of my sixteen-year-old self slips away through my fingers.
"From now on, don't live the life you should live. Live the life you want to
live!" - Rosen
I believed in this quote when I was sixteen, but as I tried to pursue the
life I wanted, I became confused. What is the life I should live? What is
the life I want to live? I began to reflect on what I was striving for.
Freedom, yes, I longed for freedom, to fly freely like a bird in the burning
blue sky, to swim freely like a fish in the deep blue sea. So I ran
desperately, trying to escape my parents' constraints and find my own path.
However, reality was cruel. It shattered my dreams into pieces, and I kept
rebelling against my parents and everything they arranged for me. I began to
hate, hate those hypocritical friends around me, and look down on the
so-called justice and selflessness of the world. I became a rebellious child
in my parents' eyes, a problematic student in my teacher's eyes, and an
isolated individual among my classmates. But in reality, all I wanted was a
simple thing: a deep blue sky and a grass hut facing the sea. Yet, it was
nothing more than a dream.
The worst thing a person can do is to destroy themselves, to drive
themselves crazy, and to give up on themselves.
At sixteen, I became obsessed with the internet, like a poppy flower that
captivated me, making me addicted and unable to extricate myself. I was
addicted to it because it made me happy and allowed me to avoid the power
struggles between teachers and students and the betrayal of friends.
Until that huge fire burned the poppy flowers to ashes and the cold water
was poured on me, I woke up, completely woke up!
Now I reflect repeatedly: is this the life I want to pursue? Is this me? A
decaying version of myself? No! No! I hang my head low.
The season of my sixteen-year-old self, a colorful season, slips away
through my fingers. |
