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In the quiet of the night, when all things are asleep, I am
reminded once again...
I lay in a hospital bed, surrounded by silence. Continuous high fever had
charred my organs, and my breaths had become shallow. I drifted in and out
of consciousness, always feeling a shadow following me. I ran and ran, but
the darkness chased after me relentlessly. It was pitch black, and I could
see the black hole of my life clearly. It had long known the fragility of my
life and everything it saw, it consumed mercilessly. I was about to be
swallowed up by its endless darkness. Perhaps everyone in the world was
going through the same process of being absorbed by it. I was dying, and the
hospital had nothing more to do. The shadow of death cast over my mind, and
I imagined different scenarios of dying, hoping for a painless end.
I had no tears left. I curled up, wanting to retreat into a cocoon like a
silkworm. But the silkworm transformed into a butterfly the following year,
and what about me? The black hole followed me wherever I went, and my
breathing became suffocating. I thought, perhaps, all those who died were
taken away like this.
Life is lonely, and all worldly distractions are fleeting like smoke. We
can't take anything with us when we leave. In fact, life itself is like
smoke, dissipating when it's time to go. When life is no longer in our
control, I suddenly felt calm. Even when facing death, I should make an
elegant turn and leave with grace. "Life is as splendid as summer flowers,
and death is as peaceful as autumn leaves." This should be the most
beautiful gesture when I leave. I became incredibly calm, and miraculously,
I recovered a few days later. I saw O. Henry's "The Last Leaf" waving at me
in the wind.
Years later, I am living peacefully with life, having experienced death.
Everything has become insignificant, and I watch the passing clouds and
listen to the wind and rain. My heart has become lonely but delicate. The
falling of flowers, the dropping of leaves, and even the breaking of
branches all touch my heartstrings, and I can feel the final struggles and
struggles of life.
Someone once said: a leaf can fall in springtime, but please remember that
it's just a leaf falling, not the whole spring. |
