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Because fathers of today must be away from home more than the fathers of the past, when much of
their work was carried on in or near the home, a father's relationship with his children is more limited.
However, it is the quality rather than the quantity of the time spent with the children that counts.
As is true
of mothers, children have definite ideals of what a father should be. Fathers, unfortunately, fall short of
these ideals more than mothers.
As with mothers, studies have been made of what children want their fathers to be like and what
qualities they would like their fathers to possess. How do you, as a father, rate yourself on the following
qualities?
Youthful appearance. A child does not want his father to look like a teenager, but he doesn't want
him mistaken for his grandfather either. To help make your child proud of your appearance, and on behalf
of your own good health, keep yourself as physically trim as possible. Add good grooming and a cheery
smile and your child will point to his father with pride.
Achievement. Not all achievement is measured by material success or social prestige. To a child his
father is a success, no matter what work he does, as long as he has the respect of people around him, and
the child can trust in his integrity and honesty. Even small children observe more than we think they do
and are quick to compare what you say with what you do. It is important for a child to have faith in his
father's values, for he often models his own behavior on them.
Understanding. A child often turns to his father for special understanding since he is not involved in
the small mishaps of the day as the mother is. A father can create a close bond with his child if he responds
to this appeal wisely, and his special man's viewpoint can help both his sons and his daughters.
Tolerance. A child hopes his father will be tolerant of his shortcomings, for this will bolster the child's
faith in his own ability to overcome them. A wise father will make an effort to be patient and to guide his
child gently along the road to maturity. He will find his reward in his child's love, loyalty and trust.
Willingness to do things with child. Because the mother is usually ready and willing to do things with
and for the child, it is natural for the child to expect the same of his father. In the case of boys especially,
the desire to have their father as a playmate and companion is strong, particularly when they reach school
age and find that their friends' fathers are their chums and playmates. How do you rate here in the eyes of
your child?
Fairness. Because, traditionally, the father is the family disciplinarian, the child has a good
opportunity to judge how fair or unfair he is. When you punish or scold your child, do you find
out first what prompted the act you believe deserves punishment, or do you judge the behavior
according to adult standards. Are you fair in your punishment when you let out your pent-up anger for
something that went wrong in business by being more severe than your child's behavior justifies?
Reasonable expectations. Far too many fathers expect their children to do things way beyond the
child's capacities. When they are successful men, or when they are failures and have never achieved what
they wanted from the time they were children, they are likely to set their goals too high for their children
and then he bitterly disappointed when their children do not reach these goals. How can a child love and
respect a father who is disappointed in him? |
